I’ve always been scared of words like ‘always’ and ‘forever’ because it’s something that just doesn’t exist in real life, and… it’s kind of a scary thing when people add ‘promise’ to ‘always’ or ‘forever’.

My dad’s raised me with promises that are never broken. Not once he has broken a promise with me, which is why I trust him so much.

If he can’t make the promise, he won’t say it, simple as that.

I always felt like ‘always’ and ‘forever’ were promises just waiting to be broken.

He said ‘I’ll love you forever’, and… the usual reaction would probably be delight, but I felt uneasiness and fear.

I don’t want to be a downer or anything at all… but I’m really scared of ‘forever’.

I’ve had two past loves that have promised me forever and… promises broken.

Sometimes it’s really hard to live in the present and right now, it really is.

He always walks me home and kisses me before I go to class, and when he stops walking me home and stops kissing me before classes… what if he gets

bored

of

me?

Loves me less?

Doesn’t love me anymore?

And usually, something would trigger emotions or doubts like this.

Grades are really important, I know. Above all else. It’s really the top thing in the back of my mind all the time, it’s just that I hate the fact that grades are kind of stalking me and controlling the relationship I hold so close to home.

His mom kept asking about where he was, who he was with, and what he did when he came back home today. He always gets home really late because he takes me home and we both live like an hour away by train (20 minutes by car). He gets home later than often now because I have so many after school activities. I feel bad sometimes… because despite me loving him being around me all the time, he gets home later than usual and is tired in the morning and has less time to do homework.

I worry, a lot.

I apologize, a lot.

Sometimes even for stuff that isn’t my fault, but I feel it is because it plagues him.

I feel things slowly easing into getting serious, and we’re just not joking around anymore, we really do love each other and we’re really trying to work things out, really, REALLY trying to be good for each other. Really.

It’s just that… I’m happy when he says ‘I’ll love you forever’, but…

…there’s always that succinct fear that seems to blanket me.

I’m so scared of broken promises.